Wishful Thinking
by falsechaos
Summary: [Honda Shizuka Otogi ] [ch 3] Wanting isn't the same as having and wishing isn't the same as recieving. Thoughts from an underappreciated trio.
1. Color

"Color"  
  
She knew it was greedy. Shizuka couldn't really help it. To be honest, no one could really blame her. One was exciting and clever, full of tricks and surprises. The other was gentle and protective, always there to offer his support. So she played the part of the blushing innocent, neither accepting or rejecting their advances, but feigning unawareness of their affections.  
  
Besides, it was fun watching them fight. She admitted to herself that part of her was flattered that two boys so different and attractive would fight for her attention. What Shizuka really enjoyed (and this was something she couldn't even think about without blushing) was how well they looked together. Such an interesting contrast of Honda's solid hazel and Otogi's flashing green. Honda pouncing and grappling the other to the ground, Otogi struggling and pushing back against him.  
  
At first the fights were just that, a fight to prove one's true strength to the other. Shizuka understood, however, and watched the slow change that came over both of them. More and more of those scuffles ended with a friendly arm slung around the other's shoulder or a sheepish grin and apology. She wondered if they knew how much they were coming to appreciate the other's company.  
  
The target of their affections remained Shizuka despite their growing camaraderie. It was getting harder to keep up the act. It might be a careless brush of a hand across her shoulder. Or those rare and precious moments when she saw an open and unguarded smile shared between them. Or with her. It was hard not to smile back at them.  
  
She visited her big brother much more often now. It was so much fun to be with him and his friends. They would all met at the game shop and go play games at the arcade or duel in the park. Sometimes when everyone else was busy... sometimes it was easy to pretend it was just the three of them. Just her and Otogi and Honda.  
  
Like the time when Honda wondered off in the park and returned with two ice cream cones. He handed one to her and started eating the other one himself. Otogi made a noise and looked slightly hurt. Then Honda tossed a small frozen juice bar at Otogi. It was a moment she treasured. Otogi's brief smile, so awkward and grateful. She sat nestled between them that day, sitting between two people she had come to care so very much about.  
  
She knew it was greedy to want them both. Even more greedy to want them to want each other as well. If she ever told them... It could hurt so much. But the fun they could have together...  
  
Just the three of them. 


	2. Taste

"Flavor"  
  
He knew it didn't make much sense. Still, what could he do? Two important people in his life now. A sweet and gentle girl. A loud and arrogant boy. Honda was hard pressed to figure out which he was trying harder to impress these days.  
  
It wasn't like he wanted Otogi to notice him as something other than a rival for a pretty girl's affections. There just wasn't anyone else to talk to. Jounouchi was trying so hard to tie together his fragile family, struggling so very much to prove himself other than another wandering delinquent. Anzu was studying her dance and working after school at a grubby diner. And Yuugi, well, the whole ancient pharaoh thing was confusing enough for anyone.  
  
They still had time together. Afternoons at the park, hiding beneath the shade of benevolent trees. The rare study group after school when Anzu could make it. But even better were the long Saturdays when Shizuka came. Of course she had to spend some of that with her brother. And of course Yuugi and Anzu had distant, blushing looks to exchange.  
  
Really all that left was Otogi for him to talk to for a while. Just circumstance and the other boy's annoying persistence in tagging along even when Shizuka wasn't with them. He wasn't that bad to talk to. Once you got past the polished arrogance and harlequin performance, there was someone worth befriending. Someone almost worth protecting.  
  
Not that Honda noticed. Not that he cared, really. Otogi was just someone to talk to until Shizuka could be gently pried from her brother. Then the pretense at civil behavior would be dropped and quick glares would be started.  
  
It didn't really matter that he was coming to enjoy Otogi's quick and subtle wit almost as much as Shizuka's gentle questions and wise innocence. It didn't matter that the force of Otogi's shove left almost the same faint tingle as the touch of Shizuka's fingers brushing against his own. It didn't matter.  
  
But... Honda wondered sometimes. It was of course, something best left to sleepless nights staring up at the ceiling. Something he didn't want to remember, but something that lingered like the faint aftertaste of an oversweet desert in the morning to follow. What would it be like, Honda wondered at times, to kiss this rival/friend of his?  
  
He'd always flop over on his stomach and bury his head under the pillow when such thoughts came to him. Otogi's lips, quick and insistent against his own. That wiry body (as he knew from the countless times he'd grappled the boy to the ground) beneath his own. Strong, slender hands flitting and stroking, never lingering quite long enough. It was usually at this point that Honda decided to take a cold shower.  
  
What about Shizuka, then? She was naive to the point of annoyance at times, but wasn't that part of the attraction? To watch that shy young girl open up and shine in the presence of friends? It was fun to watch the blush spread across Shizuka's face when she recited a dirty joke overheard from her brother. She was cute and sweet in that perfect girl-next-door kind of way.  
  
It didn't matter. There wasn't a choice to be made, anyway. Honda wanted Shizuka. No one else. Just Shizuka. And. Shizuka and. That was almost another choice wasn't it? Shizuka and Otogi? Would it be possible to have the sweet chocolate of Shizuka's smile and the sharp mint of Otogi's grin?  
  
No! No, no, no! he'd always be quick to tell himself. Jounouchi would kill him, Shizuka would be horrified, and Otogi would only laugh. It was wrong, it was greedy, it was perverted, it was immoral, it was against everything his parents taught him, it was-- It was exactly what he wanted. Sharp and sweet. Sly and innocent. Honda wanted both of them.  
  
It didn't help matters any that Honda's favorite flavor of ice cream was chocolate mint. 


	3. Play

"Play"  
  
He knew it was risky. Otogi continued to play even though it was a game he would most likely loose. He had to be careful, had to follow such vague, undefined rules. But who could blame him for wanting play? There were two such very interesting people in this game.  
  
It wasn't as though the other three weren't interesting in their own ways. They were predictable, though, and thus didn't hold his attention for very long. Jounouchi would always resent him for a hurtful prank carried too far, no matter how much Otogi was sorry for that cruelty. Anzu would always remain the faithful support and lady love of the hero. Yuugi would always remain that hero; brave, loyal, and true.  
  
Shizuka and Honda were much more interesting. The lone fact that the lovely Shizuka was related to Jounouchi was enough to pique Otogi's interest. Yes, she was rather like Anzu at times. She was always there to support her brother, always there to nurture even those unaware of her existence.  
  
There were times, however, when Otogi had to wonder just how much of that innocence was true and how much a convenient cloak to hide under. He would catch the occasional flash of kind amusement from her when Yuugi would offer his coat to Anzu. The girl could also descend like one of Mai's harpies upon anyone who hurt her brother. (Otogi remembered with vague amusement the wilted look on the redhead who had rather rudely rejected Jounouchi's awkward advances.)  
  
As for Honda... Honda was a riddle unto himself. He was still Jounouchi's friend, but had obviously been edged gently aside by Yuugi as Jounouchi's brother-by-heart. Yet the brunet remained with them and remained virtually untouched by the random twistings of fate that seemed to surround Yuugi. Other than the monkey thing, of course.  
  
Otogi thought it was annoying at times the way Honda never seemed to make up his mind whether Otogi was a threat or a friend. A friendly conversation would be clipped short the moment Shizuka appeared. A truly innocent gesture would be pounced upon as improper and Otogi would find himself with an arm twisted behind his back. And the glares, the half-hearted shoves when he stood to close, the heated words...  
  
...but there was the faint taste of a small frozen juice bar. Otogi could also remember mumbled apologies and a companionable arm slung around his shoulders. He could remember afternoons spent in the park in silence, the three of them sitting underneath a tree watching Yuugi and Jounouchi in yet another duel. Even the noise of Jounouchi's loud voice would fade eventually and it would seem to be only the three of them.  
  
Only Otogi, Shizuka, and Honda.  
  
Just the three of them.  
  
So Otogi played the game. He continued to woo Shizuka and earn Honda's friendship. He continued even though two people so very important to him now could be hurt. Just play the game and see how far he could satisfy his curiosity before backing out. That's as far as he would take it. Just far enough. Win a kiss from the beautiful maiden and the brave knight. Leave them to one another and bow gracefully out of the picture.  
  
There was no need to complicate things. Otogi didn't love either one of them, merely felt some odd sort of bemused affection. No need to jump to Honda's defense in the gym locker room, no need to search for some obscure poem about colors Shizuka would enjoy. No need to think of them at all outside of those little outings with friends.  
  
Just a game. It was a lovely thing to say to that frightened part of him that didn't want to get hurt. Soft words to sooth the small child within that still didn't understand why Father wanted to dress like a clown all the time. It was easy to lie to himself and save the sincerity for Honda and Shizuka.  
  
Just a game. It was just one that Otogi had no intentions of loosing. 


End file.
